I'm not motivated. Graduation is just around the corner and what does one do with a degree in physics.... I could do anything, I guess that is part of the problem, I don't want to do just anything. I refuse to be stuck in a lab or an office for the rest of my life so that pretty much leaves me teaching. So, then I think that I should go to grad school so I won't be nailed down to just teaching high school when I could possibly get into a community college or four year university teaching situation. With these options running around in my head, why is it so hard for me to sit down and study for the GRE? I know that grad school is something that I definitely want to do but why won't I study for the damn GRE? Why am I anxious and on-edge that I won't get into any of the programs I apply to? What the hell will I do with my life if I don't get into a grad school? Continue teaching preschool? Go back to teaching golf? Find some job in industry for a year and apply for grad school again later? Move to be closer to Amy and just figure things out as I go? It seems that I'm too much of a planner for the just wait-and-see options so then, why am I not motivated?
I already don't study as much as I should. I get most of my work done for my classes when I should. Working on my class work doesn't allow me the time to finish my thesis or even to try to begin my new research projects. I also have so little time for my girlfriend that it drives me nuts. She's understanding about it because we knew we were getting into a time that would hard for both of us and we are sticking it out as best as we can, but I'm going absolutely nuts. I have so many things I want to do with my life and I know I can do so many of these things but I'm having trouble prioritizing what really needs to be done right now and what needs to wait. So I end up procrastinating the completion of more things than I should. Maybe I should just follow Ellen Degeneres advise: life is short procrastinate now!