I need to be home right now and I'm not. Carson is sleeping and I've taken over his mother's office but she isn't home yet. I don't know how much longer Gracie can wait to go out and I really don't want to have a present left on the floor for me if I don't make it home in time. Not to mention the fact that she will be rather psycho by the time I get home because she's been alone almost all day.

This has been one crappy ass day. Between the boys this morning being needy and not listening and the spoiled brat tonight, I could really do without babysitting for quite some time. I can't walk away from it though because I make really good money doing it, and every little bit helps pay the bills.

I miss Amy. She's in town and I can't see her. I hate weekends like this, it breaks my heart to know that she is within fifteen minutes of me and I can't see her. Its almost easier when I know she's four hours away and there is no possible way I could see her even if I wanted to some nights. I miss her hugs. I miss the way she smells. I miss how she kisses me (I miss how she avoids kissing me when she's sick). We support each other in everything but is our relationship really strong enough to last through my grad school and or Ph.D programs? We won't be living anywhere near each other for at least a few years. I would like to think that we will last. She's more pessimistic than I am, although, she says she's a realist. She says she would like to think that things will last between us but there is really just no way to tell at this point, and it doesn't really help that she doesn't believe in the proverbial "forever". I should go, I need to go pay attention to Carson sleeping (i.e. watch a movie, probably "Hackers") and listen for his parents to come home.