Twenty dollars doesn't go very far anymore. I bought cigarettes, went to a movie, bought overpriced snacks at the movie (an enormous bag of popcorn and a proportionally large soda... both of which I couldn't finish), after the movie I went to my favorite gay-owned coffee shop for a mug of tea (ended up reading and talking physics with a little guy from my department and alienating everyone around us. Alienating can be fun sometimes.) and came home with 50 cents in my pocket.

Once home, I turned on my dinosaur of a computer to check out my favorite blogs that I haven't read today and ended up having this conversation with a friend:

me: when are you going to start you're own weblog
her: I have one
me: oh really...
me: you are reading mine and not divulging your address
me: i see how it is
her: and so far you are the only one I have told that much
her: yup
me: why?
her: because if I know people (anyone) is going to read it I censor myself and thats not what I want out of it
me: wouldn't want you to do that.
her: I want something that reaches deep and I can be honest with
me: understandable
her: are you hurt that I refuse to share that with anyone (you)?
me: it doesn't matter if i am or not, i understand where you are coming from
her: because it's not meant to
her: do you regret giving out the address to yours?
me: no
her: good
me: only a few people have it, and the ones that do, i generally trust to keep quiet about what is written there and will be honest in whatever comments they give
her: Why do you write?
me: i generally don't write soul-searching posts because i'm too stressed and 'in the moment' to do any soul searching right now
me: i write because i'm too lazy to journal
me: i write because a part of me needs to share my life. i've been too private, too closed off, for a very long time. this is helping me open up, even if its just a little baby step at a time.
her: that sounds wonderful
her: I wish I could talk to you more, but I have to run. I'll catch you later? maybe not tonight but later?
me: yup, thats fine, take care
her: I wish you the best of luck
me: go take off
her: bye
her: I appreciate you.

I don't think I adequately answered her question as to why I write. I do believe that I censor what I write due to readers, but the main ideas are conveyed. So my question is, should I have kept this blog private so I could have potentially been more open with myself? Should I invite more people to read in order to allow people to read my thoughts even if they aren't that deep?