i'm not really sure why these past few nights have been so difficult for me. my mood seems to shift to the darker side in the evening time.

i have an exam to take on saturday that will help determine where and if i'm going to grad school. i'm scared to death. its a standardized test that covers the last four years of my education and yet it doesn't test if i actually know the information, it tests how well i can take that standardized test. there is nothing i can do but wake up on saturday and put my best foot forward. i can't change my prospects now. the only thing i have in my favor at this point, when looking at grad schools, is my gender and that isn't exactly fair to all of those deserving white boys out there who want to steal my spot in an astrophysics program.

what am i going to do if i don't get in to the programs i apply to? i'm not ready to enter the 'real world'. i don't want to work in a cubicle from 9 to 5. not that such a job is a bad thing, its just not for me. i don't want to be stuck in a lab for the rest of my life either.

i only have one semester left. what can i do with the next twenty weeks that will set me apart from the masses?