[ listening to -> Dar Williams ]
trying to settle down and mellow out so i can go to bed shortly. turned out all of the lights, lit a candle, and put on some music... i decided ordering some of my thoughts from today might help settle my brain down a bit, so why not just blog...
random thoughts from sitting in class today: this semester i am going to discover how many different ways i can stretch myself. i am going to teach myself how to quickly and efficiently switch from one mode of thinking to another. it is imperative that i learn to read faster without decreasing my rate of comprehension. i need to do more work at night. right now i'm so fried by the time i get home at the end of the day that i don't want to work. all i want to do is decompress so i'll be refreshed for the next day. i need to find a balance, a happy median. however, at this point, it feels as though these goals are completely unattainable.
i have to keep telling myself that there are only fourteen more weeks to go. only fourteen more weeks of being overwhelmed. fourteen more weeks of having too much to do and not enough time to do it all. fourteen more weeks.
mailed my brother's birthday card today. hopefully it will get there in time. even if it doesn't, it will be close.
[ listening to -> nickel creek ]
went to work. one of the moms of one of my two year olds finally took the time to have a conversation with me. she normally just takes her kid and leaves without asking how his day went. i wouldn't have a problem with this if he wasn't a "failure to thrive" child but he is and she needs to know about his day, oh and heaven forbid she talk to a peon such as myself. i'm sorry, i've been there for three years, i'm good at my job and i know my shit when it comes to my class and my kids. so since he was eating snack when she came to pick him up (he doesn't normally eat snack, he just plays with it), she decided to sit for a minute and let him finish. she asked me about his day. so i told her everything she needed to know. she asked if i was an education major (i thought everyone there knew i wasn't but oh well...) and i informed her i am a physics major. her mouth dropped as most do the first time i tell them. so now she's interested and wants to know why i work at the preschool when its completely out of my field of study, she also wants to know when i'll graduate... when i told her i would be graduating in may, she offered to get my family VIP seating at graduation. i was floored. maybe my parents will actually be able to recognize me as i walk across the stage instead of seeing me as one of the hundreds of specks of graduation caps from the "nose-bleed" section of the sundome.
had another interesting discussion at work today. finally had the courage and curiosity to talk to an older woman with 22 years of sobriety and makes no secret of it. she described herself during her drinking days as a "functioning drunk". i had never heard the term before. she told me her drinking never inhibited her from getting up and going to work every day, from being productive and intuitive or from caring for her home and her family, it was however still "out of hand". it might be time for me to start recognizing what stereotypes i hold for alcoholics and so i can begin breaking down the myths.
drove out to o-town to see my friend evange tonight. she's as cute as ever and so very much in love with her girlfriend. i love having friends that i can not talk to for months or years and yet, when we do talk, we pick up right where we left off. we gushed about our relationships, where we are in our lives, what we want to do. it helps to know that there are other people, other friends of mine, who are on the road they want to be on but just aren't sure which turns they want to make.
called amy on my way home. didn't really want to (i know, i just gushed about my relationship with evange and yet i don't want to call my girlfriend on my 90 minute drive home), we've been so short with each other this week and i can't put my finger on why. its impossible to have a long distance relationship if we don't talk to each other so whatever is provoking this "shortness" or curtness needs to end soon. i don't have time to be frustrated with her. so i called, like any good girlfriend would, and told her all about my dinner with evange to which i received a "i'm glad to you had a good time" and silence. i hate that. i haven't had a chance to talk to her all day, we should have a million things to discuss and i get silence. so i tell her that i've noticed that we've been short with each other since she left on sunday and i can't really figure out why. we've had a great few weeks, we spent a fair share of time together over winter break and it was all great, we really have no reason to be curt with each other now. i told her i think it has something to do with the fact that we just had winter break, three weeks of freedom, and now we're both back in the new semester with no hope of a break for weeks, if not months. there is a faint light at the end of the tunnel but because the light is so faint, its all the more depressing and oppressing. she agreed. we're both going to work on not being curt with each other. its hard when we both have such long days to not take out some frustration on the other. it sucks, i'm growing up, i could even be classified as an adult... everything isn't "peachy keen" all the time. i can't just end relationships when they get hard, i'm motivated to work at them to make them last. maybe i'm just motivated to work at this relationship.
i wish i could just turn my brain off so i could go to sleep...
things i learned today:
don't listen to Pink when you're trying to go to bed
don't attempt to relearn how to calculate the various theorems related to voltage, resistance and current for a complex circuit fifteen minutes before the quiz
as long as you write out your thought process, you'll get partial credit no matter how wrong you may be. professors want to know that you are thinking.
trying to settle down and mellow out so i can go to bed shortly. turned out all of the lights, lit a candle, and put on some music... i decided ordering some of my thoughts from today might help settle my brain down a bit, so why not just blog...
random thoughts from sitting in class today: this semester i am going to discover how many different ways i can stretch myself. i am going to teach myself how to quickly and efficiently switch from one mode of thinking to another. it is imperative that i learn to read faster without decreasing my rate of comprehension. i need to do more work at night. right now i'm so fried by the time i get home at the end of the day that i don't want to work. all i want to do is decompress so i'll be refreshed for the next day. i need to find a balance, a happy median. however, at this point, it feels as though these goals are completely unattainable.
i have to keep telling myself that there are only fourteen more weeks to go. only fourteen more weeks of being overwhelmed. fourteen more weeks of having too much to do and not enough time to do it all. fourteen more weeks.
mailed my brother's birthday card today. hopefully it will get there in time. even if it doesn't, it will be close.
[ listening to -> nickel creek ]
went to work. one of the moms of one of my two year olds finally took the time to have a conversation with me. she normally just takes her kid and leaves without asking how his day went. i wouldn't have a problem with this if he wasn't a "failure to thrive" child but he is and she needs to know about his day, oh and heaven forbid she talk to a peon such as myself. i'm sorry, i've been there for three years, i'm good at my job and i know my shit when it comes to my class and my kids. so since he was eating snack when she came to pick him up (he doesn't normally eat snack, he just plays with it), she decided to sit for a minute and let him finish. she asked me about his day. so i told her everything she needed to know. she asked if i was an education major (i thought everyone there knew i wasn't but oh well...) and i informed her i am a physics major. her mouth dropped as most do the first time i tell them. so now she's interested and wants to know why i work at the preschool when its completely out of my field of study, she also wants to know when i'll graduate... when i told her i would be graduating in may, she offered to get my family VIP seating at graduation. i was floored. maybe my parents will actually be able to recognize me as i walk across the stage instead of seeing me as one of the hundreds of specks of graduation caps from the "nose-bleed" section of the sundome.
had another interesting discussion at work today. finally had the courage and curiosity to talk to an older woman with 22 years of sobriety and makes no secret of it. she described herself during her drinking days as a "functioning drunk". i had never heard the term before. she told me her drinking never inhibited her from getting up and going to work every day, from being productive and intuitive or from caring for her home and her family, it was however still "out of hand". it might be time for me to start recognizing what stereotypes i hold for alcoholics and so i can begin breaking down the myths.
drove out to o-town to see my friend evange tonight. she's as cute as ever and so very much in love with her girlfriend. i love having friends that i can not talk to for months or years and yet, when we do talk, we pick up right where we left off. we gushed about our relationships, where we are in our lives, what we want to do. it helps to know that there are other people, other friends of mine, who are on the road they want to be on but just aren't sure which turns they want to make.
called amy on my way home. didn't really want to (i know, i just gushed about my relationship with evange and yet i don't want to call my girlfriend on my 90 minute drive home), we've been so short with each other this week and i can't put my finger on why. its impossible to have a long distance relationship if we don't talk to each other so whatever is provoking this "shortness" or curtness needs to end soon. i don't have time to be frustrated with her. so i called, like any good girlfriend would, and told her all about my dinner with evange to which i received a "i'm glad to you had a good time" and silence. i hate that. i haven't had a chance to talk to her all day, we should have a million things to discuss and i get silence. so i tell her that i've noticed that we've been short with each other since she left on sunday and i can't really figure out why. we've had a great few weeks, we spent a fair share of time together over winter break and it was all great, we really have no reason to be curt with each other now. i told her i think it has something to do with the fact that we just had winter break, three weeks of freedom, and now we're both back in the new semester with no hope of a break for weeks, if not months. there is a faint light at the end of the tunnel but because the light is so faint, its all the more depressing and oppressing. she agreed. we're both going to work on not being curt with each other. its hard when we both have such long days to not take out some frustration on the other. it sucks, i'm growing up, i could even be classified as an adult... everything isn't "peachy keen" all the time. i can't just end relationships when they get hard, i'm motivated to work at them to make them last. maybe i'm just motivated to work at this relationship.
i wish i could just turn my brain off so i could go to sleep...
things i learned today:
don't listen to Pink when you're trying to go to bed
don't attempt to relearn how to calculate the various theorems related to voltage, resistance and current for a complex circuit fifteen minutes before the quiz
as long as you write out your thought process, you'll get partial credit no matter how wrong you may be. professors want to know that you are thinking.
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