I am currently sitting at a table outside the campus library. I am enjoying the sun, the breeze and the beautiful blue skies. Why am I not in my lab, you might be asking yourself... because I just sent my major prof this letter:
Major Professor Boss Man:
The content of the meeting we had on May 23rd came as quite a shock to me. I have spent much time over the last couple of days thinking about what was discussed. I would like clarification on a few points.
First, I would like to know if you have devised this new plan for me out of concern for my well-being and my future as a physicist. It is my understanding that you came to the conclusion that I have a problem with anxiety based upon your experience watching me present at SESAPS in November and the fact that I do not enjoy presenting. We discussed the fact that presenting does, in fact, stress me out. However, I do not know of one grad student who is completely comfortable presenting. Everyone gets nervous, that nervousness lessens with each presentation. My nervousness presenting this year stemmed from the fact that I didn't feel as though I had a good handle on the concepts behind the information I was presenting. I recognize this and in our meeting on May 12th, I expressed a desire to gain a more complete working knowledge of the concepts we practice in the lab.
This brings me to my next point, your disappointment with the conclusions I initially came to for my Quantum presentation was very evident. Your decision to make me present that information again this summer came across as a punishment for not putting in the effort to learn the information for the Quantum course. I understand that I do need to learn this information better. I understand that I did not put in the adequate amount of preparation time for that particular presentation, this was due to extenuating circumstances. My point is that assignment was for a course that I did earn an A in and you discovered my lack of preparation by the coincidence of meeting me outside five minutes prior to the start of that class. It is unfair to ask me to repeat an assignment for a course when you are not asking others to do the same. I am willing to research and prepare presentations for the experience of learning the information as it relates to the lab, but I am less willing to repeat an assignment that I completed for a course that is finished. I also think you took a lot of what was said in our meeting on May 12th pertaining to presentations far more literally than I intended. The only way I will get better at presenting is if I keep practicing.
You have been telling me for the last year that I should get used to giving presentations, as I will be giving them for the rest of my career. I agree with this. Your new plan for how you think I should complete my masters indicates a lack of confidence in my ability to be a successful physicist.
I would like to know if you are still willing to sponsor my PhD research. If not, I would like to know why.
I believe that I have done everything you have asked me to do this past
year, and I have done it well. I agree that it has taken me quite some
time to adjust to being a grad student. Now that I understand what is
expected of me, I am confident that I will improve my performance in all
areas.
I disagree with the fact that my lab mates walk on eggshells around me. Yes, I do show emotion, more so this past semester than I probably should have but again, that was due to extenuating circumstances. The men that I work with are both intelligent and sensitive. I appreciate their advice, suggestions, and any input they may have to offer. They know that they can tell me when I am wrong and they do. We talk to each other, we all learn from each other.
Finally, I have spent some time in the last few months reading about anxiety as a few people very dear to me suffer from forms of anxiety and are medicated for it. I do not experience the symptoms of anxiety. I do however need to build better stress management techniques. I am not opposed to seeking objective advice for stress management techniques that I have not considered myself.
At this point, I would like to thank you for taking concern in me and seeking counsel for how to best help me succeed. I plan to finish my masters by writing a thesis and defending it. I also plan to continue on to a PhD. Hopefully I will have your support in both endeavors.
I am looking forward to your response.
Femalephysicist
Major Professor Boss Man:
The content of the meeting we had on May 23rd came as quite a shock to me. I have spent much time over the last couple of days thinking about what was discussed. I would like clarification on a few points.
First, I would like to know if you have devised this new plan for me out of concern for my well-being and my future as a physicist. It is my understanding that you came to the conclusion that I have a problem with anxiety based upon your experience watching me present at SESAPS in November and the fact that I do not enjoy presenting. We discussed the fact that presenting does, in fact, stress me out. However, I do not know of one grad student who is completely comfortable presenting. Everyone gets nervous, that nervousness lessens with each presentation. My nervousness presenting this year stemmed from the fact that I didn't feel as though I had a good handle on the concepts behind the information I was presenting. I recognize this and in our meeting on May 12th, I expressed a desire to gain a more complete working knowledge of the concepts we practice in the lab.
This brings me to my next point, your disappointment with the conclusions I initially came to for my Quantum presentation was very evident. Your decision to make me present that information again this summer came across as a punishment for not putting in the effort to learn the information for the Quantum course. I understand that I do need to learn this information better. I understand that I did not put in the adequate amount of preparation time for that particular presentation, this was due to extenuating circumstances. My point is that assignment was for a course that I did earn an A in and you discovered my lack of preparation by the coincidence of meeting me outside five minutes prior to the start of that class. It is unfair to ask me to repeat an assignment for a course when you are not asking others to do the same. I am willing to research and prepare presentations for the experience of learning the information as it relates to the lab, but I am less willing to repeat an assignment that I completed for a course that is finished. I also think you took a lot of what was said in our meeting on May 12th pertaining to presentations far more literally than I intended. The only way I will get better at presenting is if I keep practicing.
You have been telling me for the last year that I should get used to giving presentations, as I will be giving them for the rest of my career. I agree with this. Your new plan for how you think I should complete my masters indicates a lack of confidence in my ability to be a successful physicist.
I would like to know if you are still willing to sponsor my PhD research. If not, I would like to know why.
I believe that I have done everything you have asked me to do this past
year, and I have done it well. I agree that it has taken me quite some
time to adjust to being a grad student. Now that I understand what is
expected of me, I am confident that I will improve my performance in all
areas.
I disagree with the fact that my lab mates walk on eggshells around me. Yes, I do show emotion, more so this past semester than I probably should have but again, that was due to extenuating circumstances. The men that I work with are both intelligent and sensitive. I appreciate their advice, suggestions, and any input they may have to offer. They know that they can tell me when I am wrong and they do. We talk to each other, we all learn from each other.
Finally, I have spent some time in the last few months reading about anxiety as a few people very dear to me suffer from forms of anxiety and are medicated for it. I do not experience the symptoms of anxiety. I do however need to build better stress management techniques. I am not opposed to seeking objective advice for stress management techniques that I have not considered myself.
At this point, I would like to thank you for taking concern in me and seeking counsel for how to best help me succeed. I plan to finish my masters by writing a thesis and defending it. I also plan to continue on to a PhD. Hopefully I will have your support in both endeavors.
I am looking forward to your response.
Femalephysicist
2 Comments:
Good Luck! On top of everything you didn't need this right now. Communication is always the key, so I hope this does the trick for you. Missed you tonight, though I understand. Some other time - I'm thinking maybe some sand, and waves, and stars...
botanicalgirl:
Thanks for reading and commenting. My major professor has promoted open communication since I have known him. However, he takes things very literally so I need to be very careful as to what I tell him. Good luck with your situation. I will post on the outcome of mine.
Dana:
Tonight, I missed you too. I agree, on top of everything else, I did not need this right now. However, I feel like I handled the siutation respectfully. Considering my temper, that is quite a step for me. I have talked to "my boys" independently of each other, they are all on my side. It will be interesting to see how the major prof responds to this letter considering no one can figure out where his "diagnosis" is coming from... at any rate, I agree, some other time, with sand, waves, and stars. That sounds fabulous.
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